Episode 167 of the High Performance Podcast delves into the world of Adam Grant, an organisational psychologist, author, professor and podcast host himself. In the relentless pursuit of achievement, we often find ourselves trapped in a cycle of validation-seeking. As Adam Grant wisely points out, we should “stop trying to prove yourself; improve yourself instead.” This shift in mindset transforms our approach to personal and professional growth, moving us from external validation to internal development.

Our natural inclination to care about others’ opinions can be both a strength and a limitation. While empathy connects us to humanity, trying to please everyone dilutes our authenticity and purpose. Adam’s insight that “we are wired to care, but we don’t have to care about everybody equally” liberates us from the impossible task of universal approval.

This brings us to a crucial question: “Whose judgment do you really trust and value?” By identifying those few individuals whose perspectives truly matter—mentors, trusted colleagues, close friends—we create a focused feedback loop that drives meaningful improvement. Their honest assessments become the compass for our growth journey.

The power of self-reflection emerges in Adam’s questions: “What can I do better? What should I do more of? What should I change?” These simple yet profound inquiries cut through self-deception and complacency, challenging us to confront our shortcomings honestly. They remind us that growth is not about perfect performance but about continuous learning.

Leadership takes on new meaning through Adam’s lens: “Your first job as a leader is to elevate the people around you. Your success depends on making them successful.” This perspective inverts traditional hierarchical thinking, placing service above status. True leadership becomes about creating environments where others flourish, recognising that our greatest achievements come through collective success.

Perhaps most challenging is Adam’s stance on disagreement: “If two people never disagree, it means at least one person is not thinking critically or speaking candidly, and that is a disservice to the relationship.” Conflict avoidance, while comfortable, stunts growth and innovation. When we surround ourselves with people who merely echo our thoughts, we miss opportunities for refinement and breakthrough.

The statements “If you can’t tell me the truth, you’re hindering my ability to learn” and “If you can’t be honest with yourself, you’re hindering your ability to succeed” highlight the critical role of honesty in personal development. External feedback and internal self-awareness together create the conditions for authentic growth.

Adam’s culminating insight that “the highest expression of loyalty is honesty” reframes our understanding of relationships. True loyalty isn’t about unwavering agreement or blind support—it’s about caring enough to speak difficult truths. The colleagues who challenge our thinking, the friends who point out our blind spots, the mentors who push us beyond comfort zones—these are the people who demonstrate genuine loyalty.

As we integrate these principles into our lives, we move from fragile egos seeking validation to resilient spirits embracing growth. We surround ourselves with truth-tellers rather than yes-people. We lead by elevating others rather than promoting ourselves. And we recognise that the path to our best selves is paved not with praise but with honest reflection and continuous improvement.

Be your best you and take energy from those that know what they are talking about.