Everyday life and very much so, life in schools, discussions and circles really do make a difference. When you observe, reflect and do a little analysis of the altercations that occur between people, it is always (from my experience) the lack of discussion and willingness to listen that holds back the resolution. People may be upset or angry and not yet willing to hear another viewpoint. The person that has upset someone may well believe they themselves are totally right and have in no way caused upset. When we are able, despite our viewpoint on the matter, to listen to another without disruption, we are on the way to the solution.
Mark Finnis has a section on solution focused circles in his book, Restorative Practice: Building Relationships, Improving Behaviour and Creating Stronger Communities. Mark writes that ‘it is more important to spend less time on the problem and more time on the solution’. This is a well made point and one that should involve the people involved, being involved. You take the concept of the circle so that there is no-one person that is more important, but we listen, but really listen to understand. By doing so we hear and accept that the other person’s perception is in fact their reality. As we listen we may well realise our own action was, although not intended (hopefully) caused some hurt. We can then in realising that, respond in a way that both shows others you are sorry for the hurt but also, becoming a better person that is unlikely to repeat the action. You are then on the way to the solution.
It is more important to spend less time on the problem and more time on the solution.Mark Finnis
Discussions in circles, without turning your back to others, listening carefully without interruption and listening to really understand, makes a difference. It makes a huge difference and where people do this, the world is a better place for it. I encourage those I connect with to do this and I see them do it well. I encourage all others to do it too and use our discussions to find solutions.
Know your purpose in life and seek the solution to be that positive person.